every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
