yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
