Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
