Quick, to the slutcave!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
