What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
