She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
