I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
