I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
