Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
