I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
