My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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