Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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