Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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