Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have demons in me.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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