I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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