is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
