my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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