I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
