New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize
