Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
