nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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