Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize