When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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