And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
