I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
