vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
