I can text with my tongue
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize