No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
