What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize