why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
