Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
