Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
