Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize