Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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