I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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