i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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