The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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