oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
