Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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