why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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