i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
