...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
