Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize