i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
