woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
