dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
