That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
