fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
