I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
