I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
