Taylor Swift is so right about you.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My underwear smells like fireworks.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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