Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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