honey bunches of taint.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
