Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
