Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
