Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I heard we made out
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
