his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Randomize
