gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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