I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
