I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just googled if crying burns calories
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
