this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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