Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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