you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
