Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
